Worse Than the Worst Case Scenario

A quarter of the way through 2010, Koos and I were presented with a decision we had to make. Some of you may jump ahead and conclude that we had to choose if we were going to move to Duncan or not. And knowing the surface details, that would be a good conclusion. But deep down, that wasn't the real decision. The real dilemma was, 'are we crazy or not?'.

Did Koos actually 'hear' God say, "Go help Rick and Deanna." or was it the product of being on night shift for too long and inhaling too many diesel fumes? Was his hard hat too tight? Trust me, I asked ALL the questions.

If Koos really wasn't just having a mid-life crisis, God was asking us to give up (materially) a six figure pay cheque and a lovely five bedroom house with a fully finished basement and three full bathrooms. (I am trying to sound like a real-estate ad on purpose.) Not to mention the majority of our earthly possessions because we could only take a small cargo trailer with us.

We had moved before at God's prompting, but - materially speaking - we were going to be 'making progress'. The pay cheque and the house would be bigger.

So in 'debating' whether or not this move was of God - (and yes, I have submitted a new definition for 'debating', which goes like this: to scream and shout loudly while including the occasional profanity and maintaining just enough to self control to not hurl objects at the opposition) - we thought it would comfort us to come up with a 'worse case scenario'.

And it was this: Worse case scenario, we get to Duncan, realize we aren't supposed to go to Brazil and have to start life all over. Starting life all over would entail finding a new job and purchasing a new house and getting re-established, not too big of a deal. We can do that.

Except. We can't. Oh, oh. Our current situation is in some ways worse than our worse case scenario. Now what? As far as we know, we are still going to Brazil. Sometime in 2013 hopefully. We hadn't really 'planned' on being here that long, so that was the first adjustment we had to make in our minds. And Koos found a job and there is a really neat house close to the school we would like to purchase.

But, we appear to have been done in by the current economy. Koos' pay cheque and the price of the house are not being friends, they are not co operating. In fact, Koos' cheque won't even qualify us to buy this place when our contract expires. We do not qualify for a mortgage on beautiful Vancouver Island.

I am wondering if I am in shock and denial, because this technically should be cause for panic and depression. This is some pretty good evidence that we may indeed be crazy. Bonkers. Completely out of our minds.

I am not panicking though and so far depression has kept to itself. The timing of this news was interesting, considering I had just posted a blog about Sonshine. Perhaps this is the first test of how solidly rooted this new joy thing really is.

And I am doing a second thing that is completely out of character. I am asking for help. We could really use some extra prayer and encouragement right now. Above and beyond what we are already blessed with. Especially some encouragement in the form of stories that go like this, "Once... we thought we were crazy, but in the end, the Creator sorted it all out and it was awesome." Yes, we'd really like some stories like that.

Have you ever thought the scenario you were in was worse than the worst case, but then were 'rescued'?

I have added a picture of our old house in Hay River for dramatic effect.

PS I don't miss the snow, just the house.

Sonshine Anyone?

Caitlind gave me this mug. After about six months of living with us, she had me pegged.

If she wanted, 'solid advice', 'Biblical wisdom' or 'accurate psychological analysis' of an emotional issue, I was the girl to come to. If she wanted sunshine, too bad. Call a different friend.
Now, does that mean I was rude, derogatory or insensitive? No, in fact, by the grace of God only, I was usually none of those things. I could quite effectively boost her spirits, cheer her on and coax her to finish that Bio. assignment that she just didn't want to finish. Just without the sunshine. I had perfected the art, somehow, of blowing sunshine, without the ummmm, sunshine.

For the older generation out there, when Caitlind was frustrated at my lack of sunshine she would call me Spock. For the younger generation, when Caitlind was frustrated at my lack of sunshine, she would call me Sheldon. Crazily enough, I didn't mind either. Had a distorted sense of pride about it even.

Until just recently. Something started to stir in me. Caitlind was here when it began. We were having one of our usual 'gab sessions' in her room and she was pondering some important life question, rather sadly. Some optimistic, almost cheerful comment came out of my mouth and stopped her mid-sentence. My eyes widened in horror.

"You didn't just?..."
"Oh my, I think I may have..."

I had blown sunshine. For no other reason than - I could. I wasn't trying to impress anyone with my sensitivity to their situation, I wasn't trying to put a 'positive spin' on an otherwise dreary circumstance. It just seemed like a good time to be (gasp) happy.

Now, I realize I might be getting myself into some hot water here. There may be people reading this and thinking, 'Hang on a minute, Aubrey said this encouraging thing to me once or offered me that piece of merriment. Was it fake, was it NOT REAL SUNSHINE?'

And this is where I have to hang my head and confess. In all likelihood, it was not real sunshine. It was well intentioned and sincere, but, I probably wasn't feeling it with you. I was telling you to go ahead and do it, but wasn't willing, or able in fact, to participate.

Hmmmmm. Weird, huh? Well, not really. I think there are a lot more Spocks and Sheldons out there than one would guess. At least I am hoping. I can't possibly be the only one who was dead inside to joy?

And here is where I insert a piece of 'news'. I am going to be attempting a new blog. This one will continue to be for updating interested parties of our comings and goings as a family. The new one will be for me to hopefully encourage people who have come from pasts similar to mine, (or maybe completely different) to see that lasting, sunshiny change is possible if you know where to look for it.

Back to the point. One of my favorite Third Day songs is called "This is Who I Am." Part of it goes like this:

This is who I am, oh, this is who I am
So take me and make me something so much more
This is who I am, oh, this is who I am
So change me and make me someone better than before

Apparently, if you belt this song out at the top of your lungs for enough days on end, God listens and starts changing you. Either that or He just wants you to stop singing, so He starts doing what you've asked.

Regardless, He has done it. I had deadened myself (on purpose) to pain and in the process (but not on purpose) deadened myself to joy. But He has awoken that sense of joy in me (and with it a sense of pain again, but that I will talk about more in the other blog) and my outlook on life has become - surprisingly sunshiny.

Darn it, I meant to get to the point, and I didn't. Here it is for real this time. All the sunshine around here has been a bit blinding and I think has made us all a little strange in the head. It has made us think taking Godly risks might not be such a bad thing after all and it has overridden a lot of the 'well that's just not practical' objections.

And now we have a list. A list of positive, exciting, character and faith building things we want to do. And we have no way financially or time-wise to do any of them. Fun and sunshiny, eh?

Here is the list:

April - send our oldest daughter to California with her Grandmother, Uncle & Aunt and two cousins and not us

May - Third Day concert in Langley (6 VIP Packages)

June - Family Retreat at Camp Qwanoes

TBA - Short Term Mission to Brazil

1 Chronicles 16 says this:

²³ Let the whole earth sing to the LORD!
Each day proclaim the good news that he saves.
²⁴ Publish his glorious deeds among the nations.
Tell everyone about the amazing things he does.
²⁵ Great is the LORD! He is most worthy of praise!
He is to be feared above all gods.

And that is what I am doing today. I am publishing His glorious deeds - well the one that involved making me feel sunshiny anyway - and am looking forward to publishing some more, when He shows us how He's going to go about helping us get that list accomplished.

Aahhhhhh, feel the Sonshine!