Five years, seven months, one week, 144 hours and twenty-six minutes. Something like that. The last time I wrote on this blog.
I am running through my memories to try pinpoint the reason or moment I quit. What made me think it wasn't worth posting on here? I believe, if I am honest, that it was around the time we realized we probably weren't going to Brazil any time soon. And as it turns out, any time ever. That wrecked me a bit, a lot.
And it seems like life sort of stopped. But it didn't, it kept going – hard.
I wound up on this blog today, through a random set of circumstances. I scrolled. And reminisced.
Dreams – or more accurately probably – the things your sense of worth or purpose are attached to, when they die, that part of you dies - hard.
I have grieved a lot in my forty-four some years, but I have not grieved as intensely as I have been since the 'day the dream died'.
And then other really bad **** happened. I am not dramatic enough to say it was the worst possible **** that could happen to anyone, but it was bad and it wrecked me some more.
So I am different now. I have read through this blog and I remember that person who wrote those things and who had that optimistic outlook on life. But I am not her.
I am harder, undoubtedly angrier. And I have learned to say “**** you, enemy.” A lot. Because I know he came for us. And he did a lot of damage. But he did not win. In fact, he made me harder and angrier and now I know where to laser focus that. I am coming for you now. You probably should tremble. I know now better than I ever knew before Who I belong to and with the two of us in cahoots, you are kind of doomed. Severely hooped, actually.
I know you are already beaten, I do not know how it exactly will look when I add to your *** kicking. It may be in some gigantic, glorious moment, or it may be more subtly, in day by day little things. Or it may be both. But it is going to happen. Your time on this planet is getting shorter and shorter and I will do my part to expedite your demise. I remember now that we were going to do that. It may not be in Brazil, but it...will...BE... Thank you for the new purpose.
And now, to the actual update. We are still in Duncan. We eventually, in miraculous fashion, found a house. Had it dropped in our laps, more specifically - in an amazing crescent, with amazing neighbours. Finances still suck, are worse actually, and I am looking at part time work, which also sucks. I am not a multi-tasker, so the idea of working, organising the house, homeschooling, etc. is hugely daunting.
We have retired from On the Road. Koos and the kids put in about seven years of Sundays. I had opted out at about the six year mark. We are still in touch with some of the families.
Our weekends now are taken up in the winter by competitive junior curling and in the summer by dog agility trials. When we are not completely exhausted, we are thankful that New Life has 7:00 pm services.
Brooke, Delaena and Calahn have been on the youth worship team since last year. We just realized Kael is old enough now too, so he is also going to give it a try.
Koos is a service advisor at BowMel Chrysler. We lost his Dad in March and were in Hines Creek in April for the service.
My Mom is in Calgary now, enjoying lots of time with her two youngest grandkids. We all pop back and forth fairly often to see her and her to see us. A visit is close on the horizon!
Caitlind is married to the most awesome Travis. Brooke and I got to go to their wedding in September. They are doing really well in Hay River and we are excited that they will be coming to the Island for a visit soon.
Brooke is 17, in grade 12 and just has a couple math courses to officially 'graduate'. She spends her winters curling and her summers dangling from mountains and trudging through caves with WildSide at Camp Imadene. This past curling season saw her and Delaena at BC Provincials with their girls' under 18 team. She is a part time nanny right now and will be headed out on a week long hiking trip with her school's Adventure Discipleship Program in a couple of weeks. She will also take a crack at her “official” driver's license this summer.
Delaena is 15, in grade 10. She spent her last winter curling as well, but is most excited that agility has begun. She has been training hard and will be going to BC/Yukon Regionals on the mainland in June with a new pup named Lotus, she's a Pomeranian x Boston Terrier and seems to be a mad genius at agility. Delaena still runs DoJo, and has started a specialized sort of obedience with him as well. Oats also participates and is getting quite proficient at agility – when the treats are good enough and she feels like it. Delaena is working at Buddies Natural Pet Food part time. She has a great system going to trade for dog food and earn work experience hours.
Calahn is almost 14, in grade 8. She has an amazing hobby designing and building barns, arenas, riding rings, you name it, for her “Schleich” horses. Her attention to little details and patience in constructing is fascinating. She tried her hand at Musical Theatre in the summer of 2016 in a mini-production of “Annie”. She was hooked and debuted in a longer production of Dr. DoLittle as “Emma Fairfax”. This year she has landed the role of “Smee”, Captain Hook's right hand pirate, in a full length version of Peter Pan. They hit the stage in our big theatre in June.
Kael just turned 11, in grade 5. He is still on the swim team and though he isn't really into competing, he is still working hard to become a great swimmer and some day a lifeguard so he can work at camp in the summer with Brooke. He also decided to try Musical Theatre this year and is a “Lost Boy” with a small speaking role, in the same production as Calahn. When he is not busy swimming or practising theatre, he is hanging out with his buddies on the block.
So ya, even though I stopped, life went on. And now I think I am ready to as well. Time to leave the past back there and step into whatever new lies in front. And kick some devil *** while I am at it.
That's right...you better Run devil Run...
“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” James 4:7