Attending 'special events' with this church we now call home never fails to mess us up spiritually somehow. David Chotka is here. I am going to plead ignorance, I had not heard of him until New Life started pitching his visit. We attended the first evening of teaching yesterday. And he messed us up spiritually somehow.
Someday I will tell the entire tale, but for now I will stick to the theme in the title of this post. Rev. Chotka informed us that there are two things God cannot do. He cannot sin and He cannot heal the cover up. Then Rev. Chotka told a personal story that he has not told in his entire ministry career, but that he felt the Lord prompting him to share specifically, about a cover up he had been trying to 'keep from God' and was repeatedly warned against. Then Pastor Mark confirmed that Rev. Chotka had shared that story to speak to 'at least one person' in attendance. "If you have been living a lie, tonight you should deal with it before God."
Koos and I were both sweating in our seats. We knew it was us. Just the night before I had had an emotional meltdown and had hurled those very words at my husband, "I am so sick of being fake, none of this is real, I don't want to do it anymore." And the strangest thing is, I can't even really put my finger on what precisely I was yelling about. I just knew there was something we hadn't 'come clean' about.
We couldn't deny the intensity of the Holy Spirit pressure we were feeling, so Koos went to the altar to get prayer and come clean. And something broke. And this morning, I got a revelation as to the magnitude of our 'cover up'.
Both Koos and I come from intensely messed up families. You name it, it has happened. Alcoholism, legalism, drug abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, blah, blah, blah. You get the idea. And for some reason Koos and I have not been honest about it. We've not had the fortitude to say, "That was all really messed up, and we've suffered for it. And we still are suffering for it. And we will not stand by and let the next generation suffer for it." And it breaks our hearts. And we haven't wanted to deal with the pain. So, we've covered it up.
But God can't heal the cover up. And there is nothing we want more for our families than healing. As much as dysfunction is part of our ancestry, there is far more in the way of phenomenal gifting and talent. Both sides of our family tree contain musicians, artists, writers, speakers, caregivers and untapped reservoirs of love and devotion. But those gifts and talents have been pummeled and pulverized almost into oblivion. And it is a shame. It is beyond a shame, it is a travesty. A carefully and craftily devised plan to destroy what God has wonderfully created and Koos and I are no longer going to pretend it isn't happening.
You can cue the dramatic music here if you are so inclined, because what I am going to say next is going to sound like that part in a movie where the evil plot is finally revealed. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the reason our families have been so viciously and systematically attacked by the evil one is because, here it comes...
he knows that the Creator intended us for greatness and to do massive damage in the kingdom of darkness and he is scared. Should the full potential of our combined families be unleashed upon him, it would greatly hasten the day of his demise.
Duh, duh, duh...
The cover up is over, let the healing begin.
Someday I will tell the entire tale, but for now I will stick to the theme in the title of this post. Rev. Chotka informed us that there are two things God cannot do. He cannot sin and He cannot heal the cover up. Then Rev. Chotka told a personal story that he has not told in his entire ministry career, but that he felt the Lord prompting him to share specifically, about a cover up he had been trying to 'keep from God' and was repeatedly warned against. Then Pastor Mark confirmed that Rev. Chotka had shared that story to speak to 'at least one person' in attendance. "If you have been living a lie, tonight you should deal with it before God."
Koos and I were both sweating in our seats. We knew it was us. Just the night before I had had an emotional meltdown and had hurled those very words at my husband, "I am so sick of being fake, none of this is real, I don't want to do it anymore." And the strangest thing is, I can't even really put my finger on what precisely I was yelling about. I just knew there was something we hadn't 'come clean' about.
We couldn't deny the intensity of the Holy Spirit pressure we were feeling, so Koos went to the altar to get prayer and come clean. And something broke. And this morning, I got a revelation as to the magnitude of our 'cover up'.
Both Koos and I come from intensely messed up families. You name it, it has happened. Alcoholism, legalism, drug abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, blah, blah, blah. You get the idea. And for some reason Koos and I have not been honest about it. We've not had the fortitude to say, "That was all really messed up, and we've suffered for it. And we still are suffering for it. And we will not stand by and let the next generation suffer for it." And it breaks our hearts. And we haven't wanted to deal with the pain. So, we've covered it up.
But God can't heal the cover up. And there is nothing we want more for our families than healing. As much as dysfunction is part of our ancestry, there is far more in the way of phenomenal gifting and talent. Both sides of our family tree contain musicians, artists, writers, speakers, caregivers and untapped reservoirs of love and devotion. But those gifts and talents have been pummeled and pulverized almost into oblivion. And it is a shame. It is beyond a shame, it is a travesty. A carefully and craftily devised plan to destroy what God has wonderfully created and Koos and I are no longer going to pretend it isn't happening.
You can cue the dramatic music here if you are so inclined, because what I am going to say next is going to sound like that part in a movie where the evil plot is finally revealed. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the reason our families have been so viciously and systematically attacked by the evil one is because, here it comes...
he knows that the Creator intended us for greatness and to do massive damage in the kingdom of darkness and he is scared. Should the full potential of our combined families be unleashed upon him, it would greatly hasten the day of his demise.
Duh, duh, duh...
The cover up is over, let the healing begin.
Wow-the enemy was busy yesterday!!! We also had our own meltdowns, about different cover-ups but cover-ups all the same. Good for you for turning away from the temptation to cling to the darkness that longs to keep you down. If I can make a recommendation, there is a course called 'Living Waters'. I know they run them in different churches but if you contact their head office (in Vancouver I believe) they can let you know if there is one near you. It is all about removing the cover up, or as we like to say 'ripping off the scab' to get to the root of the infection.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this and exposing yourselves for others to see that the darkness disappears when you shine a light on it.
God Bless!! Can't wait to finally meet you guys-and I look forward to what OUR combined families will accomplish for God :)