Thursday, March 8, 2012

Sonshine Anyone?

Caitlind gave me this mug. After about six months of living with us, she had me pegged.
If she wanted, 'solid advice', 'Biblical wisdom' or 'accurate psychological analysis' of an emotional issue, I was the girl to come to. If she wanted sunshine, too bad. Call a different friend.
Now, does that mean I was rude, derogatory or insensitive? No, in fact, by the grace of God only, I was usually none of those things. I could quite effectively boost her spirits, cheer her on and coax her to finish that Bio. assignment that she just didn't want to finish. Just without the sunshine. I had perfected the art, somehow, of blowing sunshine, without the ummmm, sunshine.

For the older generation out there, when Caitlind was frustrated at my lack of sunshine she would call me Spock. For the younger generation, when Caitlind was frustrated at my lack of sunshine, she would call me Sheldon. Crazily enough, I didn't mind either. Had a distorted sense of pride about it even.

Until just recently. Something started to stir in me. Caitlind was here when it began. We were having one of our usual 'gab sessions' in her room and she was pondering some important life question, rather sadly. Some optimistic, almost cheerful comment came out of my mouth and stopped her mid-sentence. My eyes widened in horror.

"You didn't just?..."
"Oh my, I think I may have..."

I had blown sunshine. For no other reason than - I could. I wasn't trying to impress anyone with my sensitivity to their situation, I wasn't trying to put a 'positive spin' on an otherwise dreary circumstance. It just seemed like a good time to be (gasp) happy.

Now, I realize I might be getting myself into some hot water here. There may be people reading this and thinking, 'Hang on a minute, Aubrey said this encouraging thing to me once or offered me that piece of merriment. Was it fake, was it NOT REAL SUNSHINE?'

And this is where I have to hang my head and confess. In all likelihood, it was not real sunshine. It was well intentioned and sincere, but, I probably wasn't feeling it with you. I was telling you to go ahead and do it, but wasn't willing, or able in fact, to participate.

Hmmmmm. Weird, huh? Well, not really. I think there are a lot more Spocks and Sheldons out there than one would guess. At least I am hoping. I can't possibly be the only one who was dead inside to joy?

And here is where I insert a piece of 'news'. I am going to be attempting a new blog. This one will continue to be for updating interested parties of our comings and goings as a family. The new one will be for me to hopefully encourage people who have come from pasts similar to mine, (or maybe completely different) to see that lasting, sunshiny change is possible if you know where to look for it.

Back to the point. One of my favorite Third Day songs is called "This is Who I Am." Part of it goes like this:

This is who I am, oh, this is who I am
So take me and make me something so much more
This is who I am, oh, this is who I am
So change me and make me someone better than before

Apparently, if you belt this song out at the top of your lungs for enough days on end, God listens and starts changing you. Either that or He just wants you to stop singing, so He starts doing what you've asked.

Regardless, He has done it. I had deadened myself (on purpose) to pain and in the process (but not on purpose) deadened myself to joy. But He has awoken that sense of joy in me (and with it a sense of pain again, but that I will talk about more in the other blog) and my outlook on life has become - surprisingly sunshiny.

Darn it, I meant to get to the point, and I didn't. Here it is for real this time. All the sunshine around here has been a bit blinding and I think has made us all a little strange in the head. It has made us think taking Godly risks might not be such a bad thing after all and it has overridden a lot of the 'well that's just not practical' objections.

And now we have a list. A list of positive, exciting, character and faith building things we want to do. And we have no way financially or time-wise to do any of them. Fun and sunshiny, eh?

Here is the list:

April - send our oldest daughter to California with her Grandmother, Uncle & Aunt and two cousins and not us

May - Third Day concert in Langley (6 VIP Packages)

June - Family Retreat at Camp Qwanoes

TBA - Short Term Mission to Brazil

1 Chronicles 16 says this:

23 Let the whole earth sing to the LORD!
Each day proclaim the good news that he saves.
24 Publish his glorious deeds among the nations.
Tell everyone about the amazing things he does.
25 Great is the LORD! He is most worthy of praise!
He is to be feared above all gods.

And that is what I am doing today. I am publishing His glorious deeds - well the one that involved making me feel sunshiny anyway - and am looking forward to publishing some more, when He shows us how He's going to go about helping us get that list accomplished.

Aahhhhhh, feel the Sonshine!

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